Moving on

Time is healing, thank God for that. I've started going to the gym again, and exercising is also healing. I feel stronger and more positive. I'm also feeling good about my body and emotions. Though I'll still get sad out of the blue, it'll catch me off guard, and I'll think about how far along I would be...how much I'd be showing...but for the most part, I'm accepting and moving on. Thanks again to my awesome family and friends.

And then there's Roan. He's such a big boy! He's starting to go pee on the toilet, standing up ("like daddy!") and wearing big boy underwear. And I swear he's grown and inch in the last month. He talks in full sentences most of the time and is a big goof ball. I love that kid so much. He makes our life fun and unpredictable and full of laughter!

Week 3

Ok. I think the worst is over. I'm so grateful for all the caring people in my life. Can't list them all, but they know who they are. Anyone who's thought about, called, emailed, sent a card to us; you are all so wonderful. I got my memorial tatoo on friday, angel wings on my forearms for our angel baby. I think that was my closure. It's real now. My body is starting to get back to normal and that's helping my feel better too. I had a good family weekend also, got to see my baby niece after a few weeks and she's changed so much!!

Week 2

Yes, it's getting better, but there's not a day that goes by when I don't think about the fact that I'm not pregnant anymore...or that I'm not going to meet our little boy in July. I want to move on, but I want to still be sad for him, and me. I realize that I'm not only greiving about loosing my baby, but about not being pregnant. Every weekend I think, I would've been however many weeks buy now...I would've been showing...etc. It's really hard not to think about it. I'm so thankful for Dave and Roan and the rest of my family.

Week 1

So, it's been a week since we lost our precious little boy. I feel like I'm getting better, able to think about him with a smile instead of tears. It was hard going to the Dr office yesterday to do bloodwork and not being pregnant. Most nights I go and check on Roan before I go to bed, and last night I really wanted to pick him up and hold him tight, though I didn't because I didn't want to wake him up :) Roan's such a special gift from God, and I am so thankful for him. He's a sweet, fun, goofball, tons of energy of a kid. I love him so much.

And then there's Dave. He's been so great through this. Even when he's been working so much and had a big test to study for yesterday, he's been so supportive and gentle with me. I am really so blessed with everyone I have in my life.

Maybe...

Today's been a good day. I'm feeling well, emotionally and physically. It still all seems surreal, like a dream. I was just getting used to being the pregnant one, and now I'm not. I go in monday to get some bloodwork done, then we'll go from there. Hopefully I get back on track quickly. I've been reading a lot about miscarriages and healing. So far I feel that I'm dealing with my grief well. I'm not surpressing it. I feel like I want to try to get pregnant as soon as we can. And I'm ok with that. I'll always keep Sage close to my heart though.

Healing?

Today was a much better day. We got out to the park, thanks to Sophie :) And Roan enjoyed some time with Koben and Marshal. I felt really good today, had some energy til this afternoon, then crashed. But it was an improvement from yesterday, and I'll take it.

Dave was home all day today, after working and/or being in class for 2 days. It was the worst timing, I missed him so much. He's been my rock throughout this week.

Thanks to mom...

I'm feeling a little better tonight, but who knows what tomorrow will bring? This morning I couldn't hold anything back, everything made me cry. Poor Roan just wanted mommy to play with him. My mom came over around noon and stayed all day and ate dinner with us and took care of Roan. I'm so grateful for her. Also, a friend brought us dinner, which was delicious. I feel so blessed to have so many good people in my life. I'm trying so hard to be positive, but I just couldn't do it this morning. I'm ready to start feeling better.

Heavy heart

It's with a heavy heart that I write this about our baby boy who was taken from us before we even met him. We lost out baby on monay, I was 13 weeks pregnant. I had been spotting and crampy all weekend, but by monday morning I knew something was wrong. I miscarried here at home, fairly quickly, while waiting for the medics to come. Dave had been called into work overnight due to high winds and a storm. Roan slept through it, but woke up in time to entertain the firefighters, he doesn't miss a beat. My body took care of everything, no furthur surgery was needed. I guess I'm grateful for that. The nurse said he was a perfectly formed little boy, but for some reason that we'll never know, he wasn't made to be in our world with us. I'm comforted that I'll meet him someday in Heaven.

I'm starting to feel very sad and a little angry that we didn't get to meet our boy, that Roan didn't get to meet his little brother. I'll always wonder...

My body aches for him...I'll never forget you precious baby boy.